The tales of an awkward guy

I glance into the mirror one last time before getting ready to leave for office. Though I know it won’t help one bit in improving my appearance it’s just out of habit. As I lock the apartment door, my cell starts ringing.

“Hello” I answer without actually checking the display.

“Hey! It’s me” replies the caller.

“Hey. Anything important? I will be meeting you in another 15 minutes anyway” I reply knowing it’s my friend who has this unique way of introducing himself on phone.

“I know and that’s why I wanted to remind you about the meeting. Don’t screw it up like last time, bring that presentation and video with you” replied my friend.

“Of course not! Do you take me for an idiot?” I asked slightly miffed.

“Actually yes. I am sending you the address, just in case you go to the wrong place again”

“What?” I asked slightly puzzled as the call gets disconnected.

I receive a text message the next moment. There is an address of a meeting hall at an office in Mumbai.

The interesting thing is, I work in Bangalore and I certainly have never worked in that company. That’s when I realized I had spoken to a complete stranger and also been called an idiot.

But the day has just begun.

“That can happen to anyone right?” I think, pacifying myself and hurrying simultaneously. I bump into a person, bringing me to an abrupt halt.

“Sorry ” I mutter a flustered apology without really looking at the stranger.
“It’s okay” the person replies before taking a good look at my face.

“Oh my god! It’s you” as his face changed to an expression of excitement.

“Do I know him” I wonder before wracking my brain furiously.

“Don’t you remember me? We went to college together!” he replies excitedly.

“And that college was –?”

“You seriously don’t remember me? Gosh, after two years of studying together, one would expect a person to remember them. Guess not. I am Rohan, ring any bells?”

I start turning red in embarrassment as nothing comes to my mind. “Hehee” I smile sheepishly.” You know how I was, I haven’t really changed much” I reply as I try to save face.

“Yeah once an idiot, always an idiot” he laughs and continues rambling for few minutes about his life while I meekly nod along. “Anyway, I am in a bit of a hurry” he continues, “so I will catch you some other time?” and waves and jogs away.

I stand there for a moment still wondering who that guy was and how he would catch me when he didn’t take my number or anything of that sort.

I sigh realizing this day wasn’t getting any better and yet another stranger called me an idiot.

As I enter the office and arrive near my workplace, my friend comes rushing.
“You have come just in time for the meeting!” he exclaims.
“Er, wasn’t that at 10 ‘o clock? ” I ask confused.
“Nope,” he shakes his head.”Come on then”.

Half an hour into the meeting, I am already bored and daydreaming. Just when I am about to enter a dramatic sequence in my dream, my manager brings me back from my reverie.”Perform a play” he says in an urgent voice.
“WHAT!” I am flabbergasted. “What did you just say?”
“You heard me, didn’t you? Come on, now get on with it.”

“Okay.” I have a few lines in my mind anyway. I clear my throat. “When the sun rises in the west and sets in the east, when the moon turns green with envy, when the earth rumbles and spits flames towards the heavens, when the oceans and the sky appear to be reversed and when mankind has given up on itself, that shall be the day I rise…cause I am justice” I finish with my arms stretched upwards and a triumphant smile on my face.

I see all shocked faces staring back at me as I slowly lower down my arms and a few of them snickering. ” I said to press the play, ” says my manager pointing to the video. This time my face turns deep tomato red and I only manage an “oh” before sitting down, too embarrassed to make eye contact.

 Much much later  I am sitting at my desk and the jokes about my performance have died down I get an email about someone’s farewell party. I look at the name closely and realize the mail has come to me as a general mail and is addressed to everyone working at the office. So I decide to do what I do best and simply ignore the mail.

But office etiquette is unavoidable and I attend the party. Most of them are quite mushy and teary-eyed with some emotional speeches. I and my friend have no clue who that lady is, but stay there and have snacks just minding our business. Finally, the time comes for the person to say her farewell to every person there. This reminds me of a particular scene from a TV series and I whisper the joke in his ear and we both giggle like idiots. What we fail to realize is that the hall is unbearably silent and everybody is staring at us.

Thankfully this time I am not the only one who turns red in embarrassment. We both quickly rush out of there muttering an apology.

Luckily it’s the end of the day and I am more than glad to go home. I walk back thinking about everything that occurred today. I do have a knack to put myself in awkward situations.

This time I see another friend of mine walking down the street, whom I haven’t seen for quite some time.
“Hey! How have you been? How long has it been?” I ask.
Thankfully she recognizes me immediately.
“Hey! I am more than good, just returning from a trip in fact” she replies beaming.
“Oh cool! With your friends?”
“No, with my husband actually.”
“Hus-?” I ask shocked.
“Oh yeah! That’s right. I married -“
“Congratulations!” I interrupt.
“- a year ago”.
“Oh”.

“Well this is awkward ” she whispers.

“Ha!” I exclaim, “if only you knew how my day went by.”

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